In my last post, I wrote about some ways to build your self-esteem. It’s obviously a subject close to my heart because when I started writing about it I had so many ideas it was hard to stop. So I decided to turn it into two posts. In the first one, I wrote about some of the reasons we might have low self-esteem, the importance of developing self-compassion, and some strategies to help including journalling and mindfulness. You can read the post here.
WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?
Another strategy some people find useful is writing a gratitude list. This can bring up mixed feelings, especially if you were told to “be grateful” as a child which effectively meant “be quiet and don’t tell me how you feel.” But what I am suggesting is meant to be the opposite of that. Can you list things that make you happy and then remind yourself that you are worthy of them? Can you notice ways that other people care for you and show kindness to you? Perhaps your new practice of being kinder to yourself is something to write on your gratitude list.
CHOOSE TO DO WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU
If you have low self-esteem, you might be used to putting yourself very low on the list of people to care for. Can you try to do some things that are good for you as well as caring for others? Here are some ideas:
- Do the things you enjoy. This sounds pretty basic, but it’s so easy to go through the day doing things for others and chores that have to be done without even taking a moment to do what you love. What could you do that would bring you joy? Do you love playing or listening to music? Drawing, painting or crafting? Baking? Going for a walk or a run? The list of possibilities is endless. Perhaps you know what you would like to do, or maybe you need to try a few things to see what would work best for you right now. What could you start with today?
- Do the things you are good at. One way to try and build your self-esteem is to notice what you are good at and take opportunities to do those things more. The feeling of accomplishment and maybe positive feedback from others can help you feel better about yourself. So if you are working or doing an activity in a group or team, don’t automatically feel you have to do the least popular jobs or fit into roles that others expect of you. Think about how you could use your skills best and try to prioritise your time to do those things.
- Try learning a new skill. Take little steps until you reach your goal. Learning something new that you couldn’t do before can help to build your self-esteem. Sometimes it’s scary to do that, but facing your fears and learning new things can help you to feel better about yourself.
RADIATORS AND DRAINS
We all have people in our lives who make us feel good about ourselves, and sadly some who have the opposite effect. Think about who are the “radiators” in your life – the people who radiate comfort, warmth and care to you and who don’t judge or criticise. Spend as much time as you can with them and let that warmth come in. Notice who the “drains” are – the people who drain your energy and make you feel bad about yourself, anxious or on edge. Limit contact with them as much as you reasonably can. It’s okay to take care of yourself and put boundaries in place to keep yourself safe.
Another way to build your self-esteem is to ask your friends (the “radiators”) to tell you what your strengths and good qualities are. You can also ask them for help when you need it. Learning to build your self-esteem doesn’t mean you have to know how to do everything alone. It means knowing that you are worthy of care and that it’s okay to ask for help.
What would you add to the list? What has helped you most to build your self-esteem?
If you feel it would help to talk these things through in therapy, contact me on hannahflowerscounselling@gmail.com and we can work on building your self-esteem together.
